Twelfth of Never (Book 3 of the McKay series) Page 6
"Is she alright?"
"Yes, but she wouldn't have been if it hadn't been for Wade having the snake bite kit he carries all over the place."
"Oh yeah…I remember…"
Letty glanced at her again. "Let's get back to my last question. How was the kiss?"
Sandy fell back on Letty's bed. "Fantastic. Oh my God, now I know why you didn't want me to fool around with him. He was gentle and tender and I can't describe it. All I know is I have never been kissed so thoroughly, so wantonly, so tenderly in my life. He puts his brother to shame. Oh my God. I'm still engaged to Chad. I'm a hussy!"
Letty laughed aloud, and patted her on the knee. "No you aren't."
"I must be. I'm engaged and kissing another man," Sandy insisted.
"As long as it was just kissing, there is nothing wrong with it. I mean, it's not like you are married yet," Letty informed her.
Sandy sat up. "It was just kissing. But then…again, it wasn't."
Letty's brow went up a notch. "Oh…you want to explain that?"
"I can't. I mean, when Chad kisses me, it's not as intense as this was. I can't explain it exactly. All I know is I wanted more…much more."
Letty nodded. "I'm afraid I can. If he kissed you and you went to mush, it means something. You've just got to identify it and call it what it is. And don't be playing with fire unless you can take the consequences."
"Am I fickle?" Sandy pouted.
"Maybe. There is one way to find out how you feel about things," Letty admonished her.
"How? Oh please, tell me how."
"Stay away from them both for a while. Then when you realize which one you really want, go for it."
"How does that help?"
"I don't know, but it does. It clarifies things," Letty said. "You'll get to where you know instinctively what you want more of…"
Sandy stood up then flopped back on the bed once more. "How do I go about staying away from them?"
"Just tell Chad you are busy with something. I know you can help Julie and Cade with those special children. Or take up horseback riding once more. You use to love it," Letty suggested as she hung a belt up and laid out something to wear for the next day.
"Alright, I am game. Can you field some calls for me?" Sandy asked.
"Sure, be glad to."
"Then I'll do it. Besides, I do need some time to reason this out in my head." Sandy nodded, going toward the bathroom and running some water for a bath.
"Yes, I think you are right, little sister." Letty smiled and closed the door on her.
~*~
The next day, Chad called bright and early. "Hi, I wanted to let you know I'm home. Want to get together tonight?"
"Actually, I'm going to be tied up for a couple of weeks, Chad. Julie has asked me to help her and Wade with the Special Needs Children and I said yes. I hope you don't mind." Sandy tried to sound contrite. "I'll be turning in early every night so I can get up the next day at a decent time."
"Not at all. I understand. I have been taking up a lot of your time, lately." Chad sounded a little more sympathetic than Sandy thought he should. But she was glad he wasn't hassling her about it.
"Great, then when I'm free, I'll let you know, how is that?"
"It's a date. Love ya."
"Yeah, love you too," Sandy affirmed, not at all sure she should be telling him that.
Determined to take Letty's advice, Sandy went to the barn the next morning. Dodger followed her out and stayed at her heels.
When she got to the barn door, Dodger begged her attention so she stopped and pet him behind the ears. Dodger seemed to enjoy it. He had been at her side almost every day around the ranch and she loved his devotion.
"I'm sorry I've neglected you lately. I'll have to make it up to you somehow boy."
He licked her face, and she laughed.
She found Caleb inside and he seemed very busy with shoeing a horse.
"Hi, I thought I'd take Sugarfoot out for a ride," she told him.
The old man grunted as he looked at her through slanted eyes. "Well, it's about time; she's sorta been missing you lately."
Sandy went over to the dark red mare at the other end of the stables and pulled out some sugar cubes for her horse. She combed her dark mane and pet her dark head.
The horse responded, nibbling the sugar from her hand and moving its head in full approval of the love she was showing. Putting on a bridle and saddle, she moved her out of the stall. "Come on girl; let's go for a jaunt before Julie gets here."
Caleb watched her. "Why'd you name her Sugarfoot?"
"Because she's the sweetest horse around this place. And she loves the sugar cubes I bring her. That's how I picked her out as mine. She came right up to me the first time I saw her. I think she picked me out. She knew I had sugar cubes in my pocket and sniffed them out." Sandy smiled at Caleb. "I won't be gone long. I'm meeting Julie and I'm going to help with the children for a couple of weeks."
"That's a dandy idea. Cade said they are full up now and could use some help."
"I know. Every time I see them out, there are more."
"It's a good program, if you ask me. And those kids get such a kick out of it. Some of them have been cooped up in a hospital, just being outside makes them feel better." Caleb shook his head and patted her horse on the rump. "You be careful."
"We are always careful. I'll be back soon." She chuckled and waved him bye. "Looks like Dodger wants to come along, too. He stays at my side most of the time."
"You attract critters like some gals do men."
"Yeah, I know." Sandy's smile faded.
It felt so good to be on Sugarfoot and enjoying the morning breeze. Dodger would stop off and on, smell something then move on. She headed for a secluded pasture though. She really needed some thinking time. Being around people could get distracting.
How had she managed to get herself entangled with both Chad and Mike? She had dated Mike with the assumption it would be a friendship and that had worked before the kiss. Although she had to admit she'd been attracted to Mike from the beginning. It wasn't his short, cropped, dark hair, but his ultra-long eyelashes that surrounded such light blue eyes that saw into the very soul of people that made Sandy almost swoon sometimes. Mike was a softie, she had decided early on. He was a natural protector and when she watched him work, she was fascinated at how he could second guess his models as he worked. He knew instinctively how to direct them for better shots. Sandy had spent a lot of time watching him work. She often wished it was she he was taking pictures of. He worked with the most gorgeous women and that alone shied Sandy away from ever getting too close to Mike. She couldn't compete with their beauty.
And yet, she had formed a bond with the man. They had become inseparable until Chad came home.
Chad was so different looking from his brother; he was dark sandy haired, with green flashing eyes that danced with mischief all the time.
Both were handsome in their own way.
Now things had taken a drastic turn and she was involved with both the Tobin men.
Maybe Letty was right. Maybe being away from them would tell her what her heart probably already knew.
She found a very vacant meadow and stopped, slid off her horse and walked him a bit. Dodger stayed at her side, content with milling about the land. Coming up to a fallen limb of a tree, she inspected it before she sat on it for a moment. But the limb was almost hollow now and not sturdy, so she moved on.
She led Sugarfoot for a long while until she came across a brook and a pile of rocks. Tired, she sat down and let the reins dangle. She remembered playing here as a child. Dodger sniffed the area as though telling her it was safe.
Strangely, memories of her father flittered through her mind. She had never been as close to him as the others. She wanted to be, but it just hadn't happened. She felt as though she were the forgotten child. In that way she understood the misery Mike went through. Julie and Letty had been out-spoken, independent individuals. She had been
the more silent, preferring not to be in the lime-light. However, deep down, she too had sought his favor and love from time to time.
He had instilled many values and morals inside her. Morals she lived by today. But the closeness she sought from him…had never come. Now reflecting on him made her sad. She wished she had worked harder at their relationship, for she found herself missing him now more than ever.
"Oh daddy, I wish I understood myself. I wish we had been closer. I do miss you. I miss your strength. I miss the way you used to squeeze my hand and tell me it would be okay. Such simple reassurance and yet I never once doubted that it would be okay. Now, with you gone, I doubt a lot, and I'm not sure it will be okay."
Reflecting on her relationship with Chad made her wrestle with her motives.
Chad wanted to be a doctor, a noble profession, and expensive education. To think they plotted to both go to college on her father's money seemed almost sinful.
"I've lived all these years, never once needing your money, father. Seeing how strong Letty is, to give it up, and still find the love of her life, makes me feel weak, somehow. But my future to be a Vet, seems doomed without taking the money you offer me. And if I marry Chad, then his future is dependent on it too. I'm sure his parents think our plans are sound ones, because in the end we can make our own money and I could pay you back. Only, somehow that sounds so weak and so dependent. You don't owe me that money, dad. And I probably don't deserve it…"
She kicked the rocks on the ground.
A doodlebug moved slowly at the edge of her tennis shoe. She bent down and picked it up in her hand. She remembered playing with them when she was a child. She stared down at the bug. "I wish my life were as simple as yours." She smiled slowly.
"Oh daddy, Mike's kiss confused me. I felt something with him that I've never felt before. I felt like a real woman. With real feelings of a woman. It scares me, delights me, and confuses me."
Sandy sat down on the ground and watched the doodlebug move slowly away and smiled.
"I think I fell for Chad because he singled me out, gave me so much attention, acted as though I were to die for. I needed that in my life, daddy. And yet when I look at it now, it seems shallow. Your money sort of mucks things up for me too…Sometimes I wonder if it might have been better if I'd stayed away."
She stood up and walked her horse a little further. Dodger was happy to walk beside her. "It's nice being out here with Sugarfoot like this, being able to talk to you from this distance, alone, makes me feel closer to you somehow."
Dodger whined.
"Oh, I didn't mean to leave you out of it, Dodger."
"Who are you talkin' to, girl?" Caleb broke her reverie.
"Caleb, what are you doing out here?" Sandy demanded, surprised that Celeb had followed her out.
"Mr. Wade didn't want any of you girls wandering too far from the ranch as its rattlesnake season." Caleb smiled. "Of which I’m sure you are aware. And sitting on those rocks there is not a good idea."
She glanced about her. "Guess I wasn't thinking. I hadn't even thought about Selma's experience the other day. I should go visit her today. I'm sorry to worry anyone."
"Don't go apologizin', it's not necessary. I ain't got no schedule to follow. I just do what I'm told around here. Looks to me like you needed some alone time." Caleb moved his horse in a slow gait beside hers. "But it might be better if you didn't walk him out here."
"Oh…" Sandy mounted quickly, following his advice. "Did you know my father very well, Caleb?"
"Well, enough I reckon." He cleared his throat.
"I didn't know him that well…" Sandy glanced at him.
The old man stopped. "What do you mean; he was your father, wasn't he?"
"Yeah, but well, you don't understand. My sisters are a vibrant bunch. Julie was so independent of him. He missed her so bad when she left. I remember sitting out on the porch with him and all he could talk about was Julie. And Letty, she was the mischievous one; he worried about her all the time. Wendy was the baby, so she was real close to him. She's the only one of us that took to the ranch. But I…well I was working in a vet's office before I moved home. Problem was, I wasn't getting anywhere. Without more education I couldn't move up. I knew that and I wanted to do something about it. I planned to use the money dad leaves me to finish my education."
Caleb frowned, and scratched his chin. "You got kinda of overlooked, I guess."
Sandy nodded.
"Good kids often do get overlooked. It's pretty easy to not pay attention when one kid does all the right things. I bet he loved you though. You gotta love a good kid."
Sandy's smile was far away. "I never thought of myself as a good kid, but I guess looking back, I was the least of his worries. I sure tried to be."
"Well, you should. Sounds like you didn't give him no trouble."
"I was his shadow a lot, but a lot of times I don't think he knew I was there. Dad had a way of being bigger than life. And the ranch isn't the same without him. I was happy being his shadow. And I miss it now. Is that silly?"
"Nope, it isn't. Maybe he knew, and he enjoyed that shadow more than you think. Maybe you helped give him what he needed to be strong."
Sandy smiled at Caleb. "You got a way about you, Caleb. Since dad's been gone, you sort of stabilize everyone here. In a way, you've sort of taken dad's place. That's a compliment, you know. The way you befriended Kellie, and kept your eye on Letty. You are becoming quite important to everyone on this ranch. I'm glad he hired you on."
Caleb smiled and kicked his horse into a trot. "Come on, I'll race you back."
"You're on…" She smiled and kicked Sugarfoot into action.
Chapter Five
Dodger was the first to arrive back at the barn, and Julie and Wade had just arrived. They were unloading their gear.
"Looks like ya'll got some help for awhile," Caleb announced as they dismounted.
Julie's head shot up and she eyed Sandy with a smile. "Great. I'm so happy to have you. We have quite a bunch now. It's getting hard for me to do everything."
"I know, I've been watching." Sandy moved to put her horse away. "So…I want to help, what can I do?"
"Give me a minute to get organized and I'll find something," Julie promised.
"What do you call this organization?" Sandy asked Cade.
"We named it, or I should say Julie named it, 'Child of Saturday.'"
"That's kind of unusual. Is there a story behind it?" Sandy smiled.
"Sort of," Julie replied, bringing her supplies to the barn. "There's a poem I read a long time ago that sort of stuck in my mind; it was written by a young black man in New York. I often read his work. It stuck with me all these years, and then when I moved back here, and Cade and I started working together with the children, I suggested the title to Cade. But he informed me it would be best to create my own title. So using the words, I created Child of Saturday. Cade liked it, and that is what it has become ever since."
Sandy stared at her sister and brother-in-law. "You guys have put a lot of thought and effort into this, haven't you?"
"A little, yes." Julie laughed. "And more as time goes on."
After giving Sugarfoot a thorough rub down, Sandy pet Dodger for a bit and then joined them again as the kids got off the bus from town. The kids who had handicaps of every nature found pleasure in petting Dodger and were in awe of the horses. Dodger enjoyed their attention, but he still returned to Sandy's side.
"So what do you have planned?" Sandy asked, eager to pitch in and help, scratching Dodger behind the ears.
"Well, they all enjoy the horses so much, I thought I'd let Caleb show them how to curry them and let them get involved in that. Then we are going to have a picnic later and maybe a hayride late this afternoon."
"Wow, you keep them busy don't you?" Sandy watched them gathering in the barn.
"You have to keep children busy or they will get into mischief," Julie explained. "Remember that for later on…" Julie laughed.
"Alright, that will give me some time to plan a few things. I'll assign you five kids and they will be your responsibility for the day, how is that?" Julie asked as she got a quick nod from Cade.
"Great," Sandy agreed.
"Alright, let's see, Sascha."
The little black girl ambled up to them on crutches.
"Sascha enjoys riding a lot and she has to be strapped in. Well, they all do, but especially Sascha."
"Okay, I can handle that." Sandy smiled at the little girl.
"Zoey is a little slow but always happy. Sometimes you have to repeat things so he understands it. We think he might be a little hearing impaired, but we won't know until we take him into the clinic at the end of the month."
"Zoey." Sandy smiled.
"Heather is our strongest one. She has Cerebral Palsey so there are some things she can't do for herself. You might have to help her curry her horse."
"They all have their own horses?" Sandy asked.
"Oh yeah, each horse is sort of picked by them personally."
"Heather, you just let me know what you need, honey," Sandy told her.
"John and Lisa have been here the longest, and they need little help."
Sandy nodded and smiled at them.
"They will be your kids for the day and if you run into any snags, let me know right away, okay?" Julie insisted. "Caleb will assist you in all the special harnesses we have. Each harness is specialized for their needs."
"Sure…"
"This is my sister Sandy, and she is going to be helping you today, kids." Julie called the kids' names and they lined up for her. "Today we are going to learn how to curry a horse, and Caleb will demonstrate how a horse shoe is made and applied."
The kids gathered about and Sandy handed them all a curry brush. They were smaller brushes than Caleb used all the time and fit their hands with a band to hold them on the hand.
After a full demonstration on how to curry, she led them out into the coral with their horses and let them begin. She helped Heather with the brush as her coordination wasn't as good as the others. But before long the little girl was making an effort to try it herself, although her hand didn't often cooperate; with Sandy's help they finished the task. Caleb brought step stools for them so they could reach farther up the horse, and every kid began the task of currying the horses. John and Lisa demonstrated better ability to do the task and Sandy felt as though she could turn them loose and let them do it alone. Zoey was very slow, but he talked to the horse a lot. They talked and giggled and pet the horses, murmuring sweet little words in their ears. Sandy choked up a time or two when Zoey, the little boy who was slow, whispered a prayer into his horses' ear.